Monday, March 21, 2011

Spring 2011

Spring is finally here.  This has felt like the longest winter of my life.  My heart has been just as cold as the weather.  I had another moment in the breakroom at work today where someone asked me how I was doing and I just couldn't help but to cry again.  Losing Jordan has been like living in a nightmare.  Her pictures surround us and the girls are really beginning to miss her so much.  They just don't understand.  We lost Dingo a couple of months ago and Tater died last week.  Michael went out to feed him and he was lying beside his dog house.  He looked like he was sleeping peacefully.  They are both buried in the back yard.  Vegas and Mac are buried in the front yard, and my first family is now gone.  We found out that Papa Don has lung cancer back in January.  Three months of tests and the conclusion seems to be that there are no options for surgery and chemo would be a long shot.  After watching Jordan and Papa Louie go through their treatments, he has determined that it isn't for him.  He goes back to the doctor tomorrow and they'll determine if there are other medications that can help.  With everything I learned from Jordan, all I could think was that we need to make each and every day with him special.  I barely get a chance to talk to him as I rush in and out of the house every day.  He and Mema Shirley come to take care of the kids and by the time I get home, they are so beat they can't get home quickly enough.  When I told Peyton what was going on with Papa, he said, "somebody needs to take that man to Texas."  Peyt is a wonderful guy.  As soon as he said Texas, it occured to me that Papa has always wanted to see the Alamo.  So in two weeks, Peyton, Mema and I are heading to San Antonio.  We are leaving the kids with our parents (dividing them amongst the two of them) and heading out west.  We'll stop the first night in Biloxi so Papa can enjoy a night on the town.  Mema will stay in the room...or so she says.  She might find that it isn't so bad to play a few games of blackjack once you know how.  I am so excited about the idea of being on the road with the three of them.  I am ready to put this past winter behind us.  It's time to move on and to enjoy every day we have....none of us are promised tomorrow. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Amelia Speaks

It's been a lot of fun hanging out with Amelia these past few weeks.  Poor Peyton is having a tough time with her because she wants him to hold her 100% of the time if he is around.  It's really to the point where he can't do anything without her. She's really changing so much every day.  My mom bought her a stuffed rabbit for Valentine's Day that sings.  It starts out:  Hey, hey, baby...I wanna know if you'll be my girl.  She will sing the Hey, hey baby part of the song.  It's so exciting to see her singing.  I've heard her try to say everyone's name.  She says Des, Sa (for Samantha and Sabrina), Da Da, and this morning...she tried to say Michael.  She will say "bath" when she wants to get in the tub.  She says:  "bye, bye."  She puts everything in the house up to her ear, like a phone and says:  "hello."  She's been doing that since she was 10 months old.  She dances all of the time.  Whenever she hears music, she bops her head and shakes her bottom.  This is such a magical age.  I love watching my baby girl's personality develop.  If she gets frustrated with her toys, she throws them.  She will yell at you if she doesn't like what you are doing.  Last night, Sabrina came into our room crying.  She put her head on my shoulder and I was hugging her and rubbing her hair and back.  Amelia crawled over.  She put her head on Sabrina shoulder and started to pat her.  She kept saying:  Ahhh!  Sa!!!  Which I think was supposed to be..."it's okay Sabrina." 

The biggest news has been her sleeping through the night and in her own room.  So far so good.  She's been in her baby bed for about three weeks now.  She kisses everyone good night and goes right to sleep without a fuss.  This is a really big deal for us to have a baby in her own room.

Happy First Birthday Amelia!!

We had a beautiful day for Amelia's first birthday.  We celebrated at our house at 1pm on Saturday, Feb 26, 2011.  Amelia was the belle of the ball.  She had a really bad cold, but she laughed through the party and had a great time in spite of it.  I think it helped that I put her down for a nap about two hours before everyone arrived.  She slept until it was time to eat.  Almost everyone was here.  Mema Lorelei, Grandmother and Granddaddy Tingle, Mema Shirley and Papa Don, Aunt Rosie, Aunt Jenny and Uncle Tim, Jessica, Scarlett and Aiden, Aunt Kim, Anna, and Chelsey, Uncle Neil, Aunt Jennifer, Ty and Mary, Uncle Lonnie, Zachary and Dylan, Blake Alford and Allie Jo, Molly and Alyssa, Rebecca Kitchens, Aunt Lisa, Uncle Joel, Mitchell and Katelyn, Tammy, Chase, and Jayden, Justin Blankenship and his cousins, Ashley and Renee, Michael's friend Noel, and of course Mommy, Daddy, Michael, Destiny, Sabrina and Samantha.  Daddy rented a Moonwalk and a popcorn machine.  The menu was a Fiesta taco bar, cake and lots of ice cream.  The weather was beautiful.  It was so warm that several people were actually hot.  We can only hope that Easter is this warm.  Today it is below freezing again.  We were all missing Aunt Rustie, Jace and Papa Jerry.  Papa had to work and Jace had a ball game so they couldn't be here.  I think it would have been very hard for Aunt Rustie to come to the party because it was our first family get together since we lost Jordan.  I couldn't avoid crying when I opened the gifts from Aunt favorite pictures of Amelia with Jordan and Jordan with the other little Tingle girls.  We all miss her so much.  She should have been here to help me plan the party. 

When everyone left for the night, Peyton parked the moving truck in the front yard and we all crawled into the moonwalk to watch "Monsters Vs Aliens."  It was just like our own drive in theater and we were really enjoying ourselves.  Samantha and Sabrina had already fallen asleep and Peyt, Destiny and I were really into the movie.  Suddenly, Amelia sat up and looked down at me.  I could see it all over her face, but before I could move, she threw up all over me.  This wasn't just a little bit, it was all in my hair and from the neck of my shirt to my waistband.  I've never seen anything like it from someone so little.  Needless to say, the movie was over and we all headed inside for the night.  Samantha was so upset.  She cried for half an hour after we came in.  She wanted to sleep outside in the moonwalk.  I had to have a shower at 10:30 at night.  It was an interesting way to end a very long day. 

I am so amazed that it has already been a year.  I remember being so afraid of the idea of having a baby again.  I couldn't quit thinking about how impossible it would be to have car seats and bottles again.  In a couple of days, I'll be packing up the bottles for good.  It makes me cry to think that my baby is now a toddler.  I'll never see the baby stage again as the Mommy.  But one day I hope to have lots of grandchildren...that is a long time from now and only if my kids have it together enough to be good parents.  I don't want to be one of those grandmother's who is having to be the mom.